I love my job and I can't imagine doing anything else at this point in my life than staying put. But tonight, I had a rush of jealousy for Brian Williams and the wheels in my head began to turn.
NBC News aired the first installment of their special series, Inside the Obama White House hosted by Brian Williams. While eating my delicious goat cheese and asparagus pasta dish (thanks Smitten Kitchen blog!), I kicked back on an old futon and watched Williams kicking back in the presidential motorcade next to President Obama. It was the presidential seal stamped on the leather seat in between them that beamed out at me.
Brain, in an almost lazy attitude, asked Obama questions in the Oval Office such as, "do you just walk around the place and study it and think wow?" as he leaned back casually in his chair, as if his next question would be, "So do you want to get some beers and go bowling?" Which they probably did when the cameras were off.
I couldn't help but remember how I used to want to be Brian Williams (well Katie Couric actually, but you get the idea). I was convinced to my core that I was going to be this hardass, fire-breathing journalist leading a crusade for the truth. So enamored I was with this idea, that when I go back home to my small town, people still ask, "So you hosting the evening news yet?", "When will we see you on TV?". Even my dad tells me he's convinced I'll have my own show one day and it breaks my heart to laugh it off.
I still feel that crazy drive but it's shifted to what I do now, instead of this lofty dream and often I wonder what happened to it. Did I become lazier? Did I become exhausted from the local news reporting I was doing in college? Did I lose faith? Perhaps (and probably) all of the above. Part of me still believes that if I put my mind to it, I could be sitting next to a future president, but the other part of me feels exhausted by the thought of it.
People have told me that I've left my mark with my blog, and that's comforting and the realist in me who knows my limits says "well done, look what you have accomplished." The dreamer in me says my filling Katie Couric's shoes is still out there for me to grab. Time will tell who will win out.
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