Thursday, July 9, 2009

Letters to Inanimate Objects

Dear WSSC,
While I understand that working on the water pipes beneath the road right outside my window between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. last night was probably essential, was it truly necessary to jack hammer the concrete at precisely 2:58 a.m. and 5:07 a.m. this morning? Also, your use of huge, brilliant spotlights shining right into my bedroom window was not appreciated, neither was your shouting directions at each other, and backing your trucks up to make them go "beep, beep, beep" throughout the wee morning hours. Please be advised that more courteous construction next time would not go unnoticed and would probably prompt my writing a more favorable letter.
Yours truly,
Lauren

Dear Landscaping Crew Hired By My Building To Landscape Every Monday and Thursday Morning,
Clearly you do not live in my building because I doubt you would have used a leaf blower nor would you have dropped the tailgates of your multiple trucks several times had you experienced the sleepless night I had that had ceased just a mere hour before you arrived at 7 a.m. this morning. I truly wanted to run outside and rip your leaf blower, in particular, to shreds.
Something to think about.
Thanks,
Lauren

Dear D.C. Weather,
You're being unseasonably fabulous this summer. Keep it up!
xoxo
Lauren


Dear iPod,
That string of '90s music you played as we were walking to work that included everything from Green Day to Sugar Ray was a lot of fun. Really took me back. Let's do it again sometime.
Much love,
Lauren

2 comments:

Jess said...

Haha I love your letter to DC Weather and totally agree!

Dave said...

Dear subway handrails and other grabby device,
Why are you so greasy all of the time? That's nasty.

Dear pen,
How did you sneak into my laundry and proceed to squirt indelible black ink all over my clothes? That's mean, and not appreciated.

Dear Lauren's blog,
I like you.