Monday, December 14, 2009

The Massage Oil Store

While scouring Wheaton Mall yesterday, I tried desperately to find a Christmas gift for my brother and his wife. I'm seeing them on Thursday night so I thought it would be easier to give them their gift then, instead of shipping it to them for Christmas, which didn't give me a lot of time to spare.

Like a banshee, I ran through the mall with a mental list of possible items: some nice kitchen things, maybe some exotic teas (does my brother drink tea?), chocolates? Having failed at Macy's -- it lacked a home section -- I was frantic to find something, any store that might sell thoughtful and appropriate "From sister, To brother," things before the mall closed.

An adorable boutique caught my eye as I ran past Borders Express. Cherry wood cabinets, glass bottles, adorable boxes tied up in ornate ribbon and flowers... in my shopping insanity, I thought maybe it was a chocolate shop, or a specialty cooking store and the glass bottles were full of olive oils from all over the world. It wasn't until after I walked in that I knew I was wrong, very wrong.

I found myself surrounded by lavender, chamomile, sensual massage oils (from all over the world, at least I got that part right), body scrubs, organic hair products... and more. I tried to back out but was caught by the shopkeeper, who had just run in overjoyed to see someone looking around (I was the only one in there).

"Hello, welcome to Said Store. I'm 'Tom,' are you looking for anything in particular?" said a man I would have never expected to work in a store like this. Picture Vernon Davis with Ne-yo's voice.

Freaking out and caught off guard, what I wanted to say was, "Nope, sorry, this isn't what I'm looking for," but what came out instead was something like, "I.. uhhh.. was.. um... looking for something for my brother... and his um... wife... but I don't think... um."

"Oh for your brother and his wife, well how about some nice massage oils. We have several different, sensual oils..." said the Ne-yo Vernon Davis, trying to be helpful.

"Um. No. Definitely.. ew. No, they like cooking? Yeah ... so I don't think... umm." I frantically looked around, picking up various items, trying to make small talk, all the while pounding on my brain to think of a way out without being completely rude. I somehow settled on one of the bottles that looked safe (it was in a spray bottle and turned out to be hair conditioner). "Oh this smells nice."

"Yes do you know what sort of hair texture your brother and his wife have? Because these products are excellent for..."

Okay, now that's just weird. "Haaa, no. Um. Well. This is a lovely store. I'm going to.. um.. give this some more thought. Thanks. Bye!" I stammered before turning on my heel and running away. I think the guy tried to give me a card or something as I was rushing out but I'll never know for sure.

It was then I knew I was done Christmas shopping. Done.

1 comment:

Jess said...

Hahaha oh my gosh Lauren that is awkward and hilarious.